Professor Horrorwyrm

  Marvin yawned as he walked into the lecture hall, thinking he must’ve been out of his mind when he enrolled in the 7 am class. It’s the reason he’d almost immediately stopped attending. But through a brilliant gaslighting email campaign, he had the professor convinced he was suffering from a breakup-induced bout of severe depression. Professor Clornix, having just gone through a bad breakup himself, excused all of Marvin’s absences and was letting him coast by on remote bonus assignments. It stood as Marvin’s proudest academic achievement thus far in life, until something very inconvenient took place. 

  Marvin plopped down beside a perky young woman and let out a long, heavy sigh. He turned toward her and smiled his best smile. 

  “Can you believe this guy died?” Marvin asked. “I hope his replacement is chill, I’m not about this seven am stuff.” 

  From the way her lip curled up, it seemed she didn’t care for his statement. Marvin barrelled forward anyway. 

  “Think I could get your number? We can hang after this,” he said.

  “I don’t even know who you are, dude,” she said. 

  Marvin rolled his eyes and turned away. 

  “Forget you,” he muttered. “You aren’t that hot anyway.”

  “Excuse me? You know what, you’re a-” 

  The arrival of the new professor cut off her scathing retort. The building started to shake. Several students screamed, and more joined in when a circle of primal energy appeared on the ceiling. Tiny bolts of lightning shot from its edges, and cosmic smoke dripped from its center. 

  “It’s the rapture!” someone screamed.

  Then something emerged. A red and blue serpent, fierce eyes sweeping across the classroom, floated down from the circle. It was difficult to tell if it was made of smoke and energy or if there was something more substantial to it. More students shouted, and some bolted for the exits. 

  “Quiet down, class!”  the serpent roared. 

  Its voice came from everywhere all at once, rattling the tables. Those who had been on their feet crouched down and covered their heads. The serpent’s tail finally emerged from the circle, and now that it had fully arrived, it floated to the front of the lecture hall. It took up almost an entire fourth of the room. 

  “My name is Professor Horrorwyrm,” it roared. 

  Appearing in the air was the name spelled out in pure, crackling, primal energy. PROFESSOR HORRORWYRM. It slowly faded from view. 

  “The dean was in a pinch with the sudden passing of Professor Clornix, and seeing as I owe the dean my life, I agreed to fill in for the rest of the semester.” 

  The Professor’s voice was like a force of nature. The girl next to Marvin was whimpering, tears rolling down her face as she clamped her hands over her ears. Professor Horrorwyrm didn’t appear to care. 

  Someone’s cell phone rang. Craning his neck, Marvin saw that it was a girl in the first row. The phone was sitting on the table in front of her and she reached for it. Professor Horrorwyrm opened his jaw. A swirling coil of energy extended forth, striking the girl’s hand just as she touched the phone. The phone melted, as did the skin on her hand. She screamed, raising her skeletal hand in front of her face. 

  “Cell phones will remain silenced during class,” Professor Horrorwyrm said. 

  Marvin pointed at the girl and guffawed. He’d never seen anything so funny in his life. Several people gave him dirty looks, but he was too busy laughing to notice. Professor Horrorwyrm slowly floated up into the air, drifting above the students until he hovered directly over Marvin. 

  “You find humor in her suffering?” Professor Horrorwyrm asked. 

  Looking up at the strange serpent, Marvin nodded. 

  “You’re loco, Prof. Lovin’ your aura, bro.”

  Professor Horrorwyrm started to vibrate. The movement created a humming sound that rapidly climbed in frequency until all the lights in the room exploded in a shower of sparks. Students who had been too scared to leave were finally terrified enough to go, shrieking and screaming as they fled the lecture hall. The room was illuminated only by the red and blue glow of the cosmic serpent’s body. 

  “Pop quiz time, Marvin. I hope you’ve been paying attention in class,” Professor Horrorwyrm.

  “Well, about that, you see-” 

  “David’s father has three sons. Snap and Crackle are the names of two of them. What is the name of the third son?” Professor Horrorwyrm asked. 

  “How would I know?” Marvin whined. “It’s the old cereal, right? So his name is Pop?”

  “WRONG!” Professor Horrorwyrm roared.

  The serpent’s jaw unhinged and swung open as it crashed down upon Marvin, swallowing him whole. The sound of a thousand dissonant voices assailed his ears as the great serpent consumed him. Marvin screamed, but his voice was lost in the wave of terrible sound that rattled every fiber of his being. A few moments later, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he passed out. 

  Marvin awoke. His entire body felt as if it were on fire. He opened his eyes to find himself lying in a desert so vast that it appeared to have no end. The midday sun hung directly above him in the sky. Beside it floated Professor Horrorwyrm. 

  “I’ll return in one thousand years. Perhaps that will be enough time for you to solve the riddle,” the Professor said. 

  The cosmic wyrm started to fade from existence. A wave of panic rushed through Marvin. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and raised it, then screamed into the sky. 

  “Wait! What’s the wi-fi password here?” 

  He received no reply.