Super Shovel

  Alton stared at the television, only half registering what was on the screen. Like most nights, he couldn’t sleep. He remained unsure if his problem was physical or mental. Therapy hadn’t worked, nor had sleeping pills. Meditation, prayer, and counting sheep had all proven fruitless. His roommates got angry at him for watching TV all night, so he watched with the sound off. It was a home shopping network on the screen. They’d spent the last thirty minutes selling an expandable water hose that stored easily. Alton had a good hose out back, but the next item caught his attention. 

  The Super Shovel.

  He sat up and leaned forward. At first glance, the shovel looked pretty normal, but the longer he stared at it the more details he noticed. The handle had thick padding and the blade of the shovel had intricate designs stamped into the metal. Most eye-catching of all was the footstep. It extended beyond the blade, making digging a cinch. Alton watched as even the frail old lady on the shopping network demonstrated how easy it was to dig with the Super Shovel. They had a small plastic kiddie pool filled with dirt, and the woman dug to the bottom of it with little effort. 

  “Unbelievable,” Alton said quietly. 
 
  More scenes of the Super Shovel in action were shown, until finally the tagline appeared on screen. You’ll love it so much, you’ll never stop digging! Even before seeing the price, Alton was sold. He called the number on screen and for the low price of $189.99, the Super Shovel was his.

  Three weeks later, it arrived. Alton had promised his roommates he would spend the day applying for jobs, but when he saw the large box on the porch he knew he wouldn’t be keeping his word. He tore into the box, smiling widely as he reached inside and made contact with the shovel. He pulled it out, marveling at how light it was. There wasn’t much going on in his life that excited him, but he felt a thrill deep in his chest as he held the Super Shovel. 

  Alton rushed through the house, coming out the back door. He went to the exact center of the yard and did the only thing that made any sense. He started digging. It was like moving a hot spoon through butter. He barely even registered that he’d done anything, almost as if the Super Shovel had done all the work for him. He smiled. Even though he’d wanted to believe in the claims the television made, he’d half expected the Super Shovel to be just any other shovel. But it was so much more. It was super. 

  The son of a structural engineer, Alton knew what needed to come next. He dug at an angle, stopping every fifty feet to construct a crude brace in the tunnel. To make the bracings, he had to use wood from one of his roommate’s wood pile. They wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but Alton hoped they’d understand. He’d found his joy. 

  Alton dug all night, stopping only a handful of times to use the restroom. He used an LED camping lantern for light, the Super Shovel making his descent into the earth a breeze. He hadn’t even broken a sweat. The next time he returned to the surface, he was surprised to find that it was midday. Logically, he knew he should be tired, exhausted even, yet all he felt like doing was digging more. And so he did. 

  Eventually, the wood pile ran out. Alton waited for cover of darkness, then dismantled several fences in the neighborhood, hauling the panels and posts back to his hole so he could use them to create braces. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been digging, but he felt more alive than ever. So he continued digging. 

  “I think I see him,” a voice cried out. 

  Alton squinted as a beam of light fell upon him. He stopped digging for a moment, surprised as one of his roommates appeared. 

  “Why are you down here?” Alton asked. 

  “We’ve been searching for you, Alton. Have you been digging all this time?” 

  “How long have I been gone?” he asked. 

  “Two weeks, we think,” his roommate said, looking sheepish. “It took us a while before we realized you were missing.” 

  Alton turned his back on the man and continued digging. 

  “I am not missing,” Alton said. “I am finally found.” 

  He ignored all further communication, redoubling his efforts to dig. His roommates returned sometimes. They would bring water, food, and updates on the surface happenings. And always, their pleas for him to stop. Then there was the detective. A chubby-faced man filled with threats about mineral rights and the stability of the land above. Alton ignored him. Some time later came the lawyer. A pro-bono lawyer from the legal clinic, Sandy was ugly, but Alton could tell that she’d once been beautiful. The surface had drained all that beauty from her. She was UV-poisoned, just like the other nasty surface dwellers. She intrigued him, so he permitted her presence. 

  “I don’t think you understand how deep you are, Alton,” she said. “Haven’t you noticed how much more difficult it is to dig? We consulted with the local university. They predict you’re nearing the outer core.”

  Alton kept digging, the Super Shovel getting hung up on heavy rock and mineral. 

  “No one knows what happens if you pierce the outer core, Alton. You’ll be killed, and so might many others.” 

  He paused for a moment, glancing down at the Super Shovel. 

  “I love it so much, I’ll never stop digging.” 

  He slammed the shovel into the dirt, and with a loud crack it passed through the ground. Molten hot liquid began surging up into the hole. Sandy screamed, but Alton just released the Super Shovel and nodded.

  “At last, I shall sleep,” he said as the molten mixture washed over him.