Hunger Killer

​  Neal started to get out of the car, but paused when he realized his wife wasn’t moving. 

  “What is it?” he asked. “Don’t tell me-” 

  “I’m just not sure, okay?” Brittany shouted. 

  Neal sighed and slammed the car door. They were sitting outside of Gramma’s Cookhouse, one of their go-to restaurants. 

  “You’ve been talking about eating here all day,” Neal said, not trying to mask his frustration. 

  “And now I’m saying I’m not sure, Neal!” 

  It was the great pain point of their marriage. Neither of them was good at deciding where to eat, leading to frequent arguments. 

  “What about Italiano Amazo?” Brittany asked. 

  “They raised all their prices by one percent,” Neal said. 

  “So? That’s barely anything.” 

  “It’s not barely anything. It’s one percent. That adds up!” Neal argued. 

  They sat in angry silence for a long moment. 

  “What about the Greek place?” Neal asked. “The one with the-” 

  “Yuck. No,” Brittany interrupted. 

  “That’s it, I’m signing up for the app.” 

  Neal pulled out his phone and opened an app. Brittany looked over and rolled her eyes. 
​
  “We don’t need a stupid app to figure out where to eat,” she said. 

  Ignoring her, Neal went through the brief sign-up process. The app then started to load. 

  “Hunger Killer. We help you kill your hunger,” Neal read. “It’s exactly what we need, honey.” 

  A bright blue button appeared. DISPATCH AGENT? Neal clicked it, and a countdown appeared. 
​
  “They send someone to us?” Brittany asked. 

  Neal shrugged. 

  “I guess? I didn’t read any of the instructions, I just kept pressing continue.” 

  Brittany scoffed. 

  “Of course you did.” 

  They waited for almost five minutes. Brittany pointed at Gramma’s Cookhouse. 

  “This is stupid,” she said. “Let’s just go inside and eat here.” 

  “I was fine with that from the start!” Neal shouted. “Just let me shut down this app.” 

  As he looked for a cancel button, a roar above them caught their attention. A robot came from the sky, a rocket booster slowing its approach. It landed in front of their car, shaking the ground. The thing looked like it was out of a 50’s science fiction movie, it's blocky, silver body covered in buttons and gauges. 

  “I am Hunger Killer agent 2274,” it said with a robotic voice. “Your proximity to Gramma’s Cookhouse suggests that you have chosen this establishment for dinner.” 

  “Yes, we have,” Neal said. “Sorry to waste your ti-” 

  “Actually, I’m not sure,” Brittany said. 

  Neal slapped his forehead. 

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

  “You know I have trouble deciding, Neal!” Brittany yelled. 

  A series of red lights lit up on the Hunger Killer’s body. 

  “Allow me to assist,” it said. 

  It turned away from them. Panels on its shoulder opened, and an apparatus rose up from inside the robot’s body. The tip of the apparatus started to glow blue, and an ear-piercing whine filled the air. A bright flash of energy shot forth, accompanied by a concussive blast that shook their car. Gramma’s Cookhouse exploded. Debris from the restaurant filled the sky, and a moment later, it rained down upon their car. Red droplets of liquid fell like rain. 

  “Is that blood?” Neal asked. 

  “Oh my lord!” Brittany screamed. 

  When the dust settled, there was nothing left of the restaurant. The structure and everyone who had been inside it were obliterated. The robot turned back to face Neal and Brittany. 

  “You just experienced the Hunger Killer choice simplifier special. With fewer restaurants to choose from, you will have an easier time making a selection,” the robot said, a digital smile appearing on its face. “Might I suggest Gold Star Mongolian Buffet? It is .2 miles from your current location and has a 3.1 rating online.” 

  “Yes! Yes!” Brittany screamed, tears flowing down her face. “We’ll go.” 

  “Welllllll…” Neal said. 

  She turned toward him, horrified. 

  “What are you doing?” she cried. 

  “Honey, you know that place gives me gas. Last time we ate there, I ended up in the bathroom for-” 

  His words were cut off by a thunderous pop. Neal looked up just as a rocket fired out of the top of the robot’s head. 

​  “No!” Brittany screamed. 

  They watched in horror as the rocket arced through the sky, up and over the highway, before striking Gold Star Mongolian Buffet. A ball of fire exploded into the sky as the restaurant was decimated. Brittany screamed. 

  “You just experienced the Hunger Killer simplifier special. With fewer restaurants to choose from, you will have an easier time making a selection,” the robot said, a digital smile returning to its face. “Might I suggest Italiano Amazo? It is-”

  “YES! YES! WE’LL EAT THERE!” Brittany screamed. 

  “It sounds delicious! We’ll go, I swear!” Neal yelled. 

  The robot stared at them for a moment, then the boosters on its feet activated, and it lifted off the ground. 

  “Thank you for using Hunger Killer. Remember, when choosing a restaurant makes you feel glum, tap the Hunger Killer app to find your yum,” the robot said. 

  It spoke again a moment later, its voice fading as it gained altitude. 

  “Your credit card on file has been charged four thousand dollars for the services rendered to you today. Please remember to rate our app on the app store!” 

​  Neal and Brittany cried all the way to Italiano Amazo. As fire trucks and police cars sped past, they tried to act natural. Neither said a word as they pulled into the parking lot, heading inside to get the dinner that had cost far more than either could’ve ever imagined.

  It was the worst meal either of them had ever eaten.