The Dominion Engine and his Pinion Minions

​
  “Yup, that’s your problem right there,” the mechanic said, staring at the engine. 

  Gabriel leaned closer, trying to see whatever this man had seen. 

​  “You picked up a five-spur miscalibration in your sub-distributor cap that’s spread a lot of ashen crustings into your fuel efficacy bearings,” the mechanic said, pointing. “You see it?” 

 Even when squinting, all Gabriel saw was the same old engine that had kept his car going strong for the last six years. 

  “I thought maybe I just needed an oil change,” Gabriel said. 

  The mechanic guffawed. 

  “Oil change? Son, I’m gonna have to strip this car from rim to rear. And you need to prepare yourself, because once we get underneath there, I suspect we’re going to find that your rocker bar amplification sequence is gonna need a full sequesterin’, and that’s expensive work.” 

  Gabriel rubbed his forehead, feeling a massive headache coming on. No matter what shop he went to, this always seemed to happen. For years, he’d suspected that they were taking advantage of his lack of mechanical knowledge, but he had no way of proving it. The mechanics overwhelmed him with so much information that he could only nod and deal with the huge repair bills. But how could so much be wrong with a car he’d just bought six years ago?  

  “Listen. Money’s tight right now. Can you walk me through the issues that are absolutely critical?” 

  The mechanic gave him a sidelong glance, a disappointed expression on his face. 

  “Let me tell you what’s critical, son. Gettin’ this machine in a condition where it ain’t gonna swerve ya off the road, maybe go into a roll right through a busy city park on a Saturday afternoon.” 

  Gabriel stared, stunned. 

  “Is that what you want? You wanna face a judge, wearin’ that overstarched orange prison jumpsuit, and you want to tell him that you didn’t mean to take all those precious, innocent lives, but that money was tight that week, and so ya’ skimped on essential car repairs?” 

  His mouth fell open, and it took Gabriel several attempts to get his response out. 

  “No! Obviously, that’s not what I want!” 

  The mechanic nodded, then turned and stepped toward the office. 

  “Good. Let’s get yer’ paperwork started for all these repairs, then.” 

​  Not one to usually stand up for himself, it took Gabriel a moment to build the courage necessary to say his next word. 

  “No.” 

  The mechanic stopped. He slowly turned around, face scrunched up like he just smelled a million farts. 

  “What’d you say to me?” 

  “I said no!” Gabriel shouted. 

  Seizing on the surge of adrenaline, Gabriel slammed the hood closed on his car, then jumped in. He started the car and pulled away. 

  “Don’t you ever come back here, now. Your business ain’t no good here!” the mechanic yelled. 

  Feeling like he’d just pulled off the getaway of the century, Gabriel turned out of the parking lot, his heart thumping in his chest. He was smiling ear to ear as he stopped at the red light, barely noticing the strange hooded figure who approached. The figure paused beside the car and put a flyer underneath the windshield wiper before scurrying away. 

  “Come on, man,” Gabriel complained. 

  He rolled down the window and leaned out so he could reach the flyer. It would make a fine addition to all the other garbage in his floorboard, but as he started to crumple it, he noticed what the flyer was for. The Dominion Engine - Car Repair You Can Trust, Right From The Source. There was an illustration of a glowing engine, along with the address and hours. 

  “Open nightly, 1 am to 1:04 am,” Gabriel read out loud, confused. 

  The four-minute-long business hours seemed like a misprint, but the promise of trustworthy repairs caught his attention. He was up late most nights anyway, so he decided he’d give the strange repair shop a chance. 

  Late that night, Gabriel questioned his decision-making skills. The Dominion Engine repair shop didn’t show up on online maps, and the route to the address led him further and further away from civilization. He navigated forest roads, the darkness oppressive this far from the city lights. It was just past 1:00 am when he saw a junkyard in the distance. There were no other structures for miles around. Something bright glowed at the center of the junkyard, its luminescence blinding. 

  “Okay, enough of this,” Gabriel said. 

  He put the car in reverse, but paused when he saw movement in the sky. 

  “Bats?” he wondered. 

  Small, round shapes emerged from the darkness, pelting his car. They weren’t bats, they were gears. A storm of them struck the car, adhering to every surface, leaving Gabriel blind. 

  “We are the pinion minions,” they spoke as one. “The master will see you now.” 

  The car shifted itself into drive, then started moving. Gabriel stomped the brakes, but nothing happened. He put on his seatbelt, unnerved by the sensation of not being able to see where he was going. A moment later, the movement stopped, and the pinion minions removed themselves from the car, revealing the most awe-inspiring sight Gabriel had ever seen. 

  The Dominion Engine sat upon a stone table. It glowed so brightly that it seemed like it should be impossible to look upon, but Gabriel felt a warmth deep inside as he stared at it. 

  “Good to see you,” the Dominion Engine said, its voice a kindly, deep rumble. “Please identify yourself.”

  Gabriel stepped out of the car, awestruck as he stared at this otherworldly being. 

  “I’m Gabriel.” 

  “How may I help you, one called Gabriel?” the Dominion Engine asked. 

  Taking a long moment to stare at the glowing, talking engine, Gabriel finally responded. 

  “I’m…uh… having car trouble. I can’t seem to find an honest mechanic to tell me what’s going on.” 

  The light coming from the Dominion Engine pulsed, and Gabriel smiled. 

  “I’d be happy to take a look,” it said, rocking back and forth slightly as it turned itself toward Gabriel’s car. “Ah, I see. The only thing this vehicle needs is an oil change. My pinion minions can do that for you.” 

  Gabriel angrily snapped. 

  “I knew that was all that was wrong!” he huffed. “I’m so sick of all these lying mechanics!”

  “You’ve had poor luck with my wayward children?” the Dominion Engine asked. 

  Gabriel nodded. 

  “No offense to you, sir, but yes. If only I understood how cars worked, then I wouldn’t even need mechanics.” 

  “I can grant you this wish if it is truly what you desire,” the Dominion Engine said. 

  “Yes, please! I would love to-” 

  Gabriel’s words were cut off by a brilliant flash of light. He felt himself floating, and his whole body vibrated before his vision went black. A moment later, he opened his eyes, but they were no longer eyes. They were headlights. Panic spread through him, up through his camshaft and both axles. He cried out, and his voice was tinged with the rumble of an engine. 

  “You turned me into a car?!” 

  “Of course!” the Dominion Engine said. “Now you are one of my children.” 

  Gabriel was about to complain, but then he felt a new knowledge seeping into him. The knowledge of the difference between a brake pad and a brake rotor, and other car-related stuff like that. 

  “I… I finally see!” he exclaimed. 

  The Dominion Engine laughed heartily. 

  “It is my joy to grant you this wish,” he said. 

  Taking another moment to absorb all the mechanical knowledge that had eluded him his whole life, Gabriel let out a long, contented sigh. He would never again get taken advantage of by a mechanic. 

  “Thank you, Dominion Engine. I’m ready to switch back to being a human again.” 

  “Switch back?” the Dominion Engine asked, the level of concern in his tone causing Gabriel’s oil temp to spike. 

  “Yes! Back to my real body!”

  The Dominion Engine pulsed, in deep thought. Finally, it answered.

  “The melding of man and machine requires strange alchemy. It will take the passing of one thousand sunrises before you are returned to your human self.” 

  “A thousand… that’s over three years!” Gabriel yelled. 

  “Excellent mathematics, one called Gabriel,” the Dominion Engine said. 

  “What am I supposed to do as a car for three years?” Gabriel asked. 

  “Roll around a bit, see how it feels. When you return, we’ll have your car ready. Your total for the oil change is seven hundred dollars.” 

  “Seven hundred?! That’s insane!” 

  “Not when you consider the transmod unifications that we’ll need to do when flemishing your oil lines. You really should have your entire stellarmo housings repolished, the grit-tightening in your protrusion troughs is severe.” 

  “Ahhhhh! I’m so sick of this!” Gabriel yelled, his engine revving. 

  The wheels on his new car body spun in place, and then he sped forward, out of the junkyard and into the night. 

  “See you in one thousand sunrises!” the Pinion Minions yelled in unison.