Punctuality Pal
General Bob Bitwill groaned and grumbled under his breath as he was pulled from sleep. The screeching SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT SKRT of his alarm clock was set at an inhumane volume. Even so, he had some vague recollection of hearing that sound for a long time. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and checked the time. It was 10:13 am. The alarm had been going off since 9 am, and his very important meeting at the Pentagon had...
Ug-roll
Ug stood at the top of the hill. He grunted as he stared at his incredible invention. Stone wheels were the latest craze amongst the tribe. Even now, Ug could hear the others hammering away with their stone chisels, shaping more of the rocks into the newly discovered circular shape. He peered down upon them, scratching his thick, unkempt beard as he watched their pathetic efforts. The few who crafted a stone wheel had no idea what to use it for. Bu tried to stand on one of the wheels,...
Son of Lightning
The Appalachian Trail sucked. Dan didn’t know much in life, but he knew that. It was nothing like all the YouTube videos made it seem. Trail magic? More like trail misery. Every day was a series of mishaps, sore muscles, bug bites, and regret. But he couldn’t turn back. His wife would never forgive him for disappearing in the middle of the night. She wasn’t a bad woman, but Dan simply couldn’t stand staying in that house with her for one more second. He was the problem. The...
Speed Demon
“And you’re sure you can help me win?” Gene asked.
The smoky form in the corner of the garage shifted, and Gene caught a flash of its angry red eyes.
“You ever hear of a speed demon? You think someone just made that up?” it asked, its voice a low rumble that sent a shock of pain through Gene’s ears.
The smoky form had been with him for a while. Ever since the… the thing he didn’t talk about. For months, it just hung out in dark corners around his house, an unsettling but...
Negotiator Colby
It was difficult to remain calm with a gun pressed against your head. This was the unfortunate truth that Amy was learning. The past three months as a bank manager in the big city had seemed like a dream come true. Not only was it allowing her to afford the lavish lifestyle she’d spent years longing for, but it also lifted her to a new social level. Suddenly, the wealthy men she’d been unable to meet as a waitress or a retail store manager were asking her out, inviting her to...
Wheelhead
After a long day at work, there was always one thing that could lift Matt’s spirits. Speed. As he raced down the dark highway, the stress and frustration melted away. By the time the speedometer hit 100, he’d forgotten about his irrational boss, the rude customers, and the incompetent co-workers. All that existed now was him and the road.
And the oversized metal chain lying across the pavement up ahead.
He slammed on the brakes and swerved, but the front right tire hit the chain....
Skeyeballs
“Mitch, tell me you’re not actually considering this.”
There had been many times that Janice wondered why she’d married this man, but never more so than now. He turned toward her and scowled.
“We said we were going to cut loose on this vacation, Janice.”
“Getting experimental eye surgery in Costa Maya wasn’t what I meant and you know it,” she argued. “Besides, the cruise ship leaves in two hours! They don’t wait for passengers, Mitch, they’ll leave without us.”
The strange...
Danicka Whalebutton
Gary stared at the napkin, his heart pounding. For almost thirty minutes he’d sat and stared, unable to bring himself to call the number. He tried to convince himself that getting the number was enough. After almost a decade of being a shut-in, he’d made the decision to improve his life. He knew there was more out there for him, if only he was willing to go after it. But Gary was a fearful guy and prone to giving up on himself, so he started small. The first goal was to...
Peter Hooflittle
John licked his lips as he hovered just outside the casino sportsbook. He’d made a decision late last night, fueled by energy drinks and full of confidence. But now that he stood here, every penny to his name in his backpack, he found himself struggling to make the move. His throat was dry, and sweat drifted down from under his ballcap. He stared at the digital board above the sportsbook desk. There, emblazoned in bright color, was the bet that had seemed so brilliant to him...
Dr. Kubridoscevekianballastario
“I see your shape is um, how you say, very poor,” Dr. Kubridoscevekianballastario said, using his hands to pantomime a plump shape in the air.
Lindsey frowned. Even though her doctor was difficult to understand, she trusted and adored him. He’d been her doctor for almost two decades and had helped her through some difficult times.
“I know, Dr. Kubridoscevekianballastario. What if I started walking daily? Would that help?”
He frowned as he took a long look at...
Super Shovel
Alton stared at the television, only half registering what was on the screen. Like most nights, he couldn’t sleep. He remained unsure if his problem was physical or mental. Therapy hadn’t worked, nor had sleeping pills. Meditation, prayer, and counting sheep had all proven fruitless. His roommates got angry at him for watching TV all night, so he watched with the sound off. It was a home shopping network on the screen. They’d spent the last thirty minutes selling an expandable...
Detective Feldicek
Mike watched the sedan with tinted windows roll slowly by. A bad feeling rumbled in his guts as the car pulled to the curb and stopped. Something about the car screamed cop, the last thing a drug dealer wanted to see. Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, Mike started walking the opposite direction.
“Hey, you Mike?” the person stepping out of the car yelled. “Hold up a second.”
Mike didn’t glance back. He hustled around the corner, then broke into a run. Ducking into...
Jerdune Hotback ZR-7
Nick saw the hesitation in her face when she spotted his car. He hopped out and threw on his most charming smile.
“Hayley! I’m so glad we’re finally doing this!”
She looked at him, the uncertainty clear in her eyes. Panic rose inside of him. It had taken him months to convince Hayley to go out with him, and now his junky car was going to ruin the night before it ever began. He was going to have to act fast to salvage this.
“Nick. Hey, um, I’m sorry to-”
“You look...
Granny Shakes
Elmer slid his chair back and started to stand. The creak of the wooden chair against the wooden floor reverberated through the cabin.
“Sit down, young man. You must eat your vegetables,” his mom said.
Elmer scrunched up his face and crossed his arms.
“I do not want vegetables tonight and you cannot make me eat them,” he stated.
His mom looked to his dad.
“Do you hear him, Boone? This is how he speaks to me!”
His dad just grunted, then stood from the table and left the...
Santa Claus
Something was wrong with the reindeer. They’d been sluggish throughout the night, movements erratic. The sun was peeking over the horizon, a blazing threat of impending failure.
“Just one more present to deliver, then we’ll get you all help,” Santa said.
Rudolph dipped his head low, then twisted his body, freeing himself from the harness. He looked back at Santa, eyes filled with sorrow and blood. Then he fell from the sky.
“Rudolph!” Santa screamed.
The rest of the reindeer...
Jurgen Gyotespiel
Andy cursed under his breath as a woman ran into the back of his leg with a stroller. Normally, he would turn around and give her a piece of his mind, but the crowd was pressed so thick around him he could barely move. It seemed he wasn’t the only person who had put off Christmas shopping until the last day, as the mall was busier than he’d ever seen it. Garbled Christmas songs played over the loudspeaker, hurting his ears, and the heaters were on full blast, turning the...
Freaky Fetus
Amir stepped through the door, thankful to be home after a long day on the job. For a moment, he hesitated in the entryway, eyes drifting longingly to his recliner. His usual routine after work was to crack a beer, kick up his feet, and play hours of video games.
But that was before.
Instead, he headed upstairs.
“Babe, I’m home,” he said, keeping his voice low in case she was napping.
He walked to what used to be the room where all of his action figures and comic books were...
Dancin' Danny
It was gloomy outside. A perfect match to Danny's mood as he left his apartment. He felt a rush of anxiety as he walked past his empty parking spot. His car was at the shop, held hostage by the shop owner, who threatened legal action if Danny didn't pay the $4,000 repair bill soon. Danny scoffed. He wouldn't even be able to pay if the bill were $40. He'd given every penny he had to his brother to go towards a surgery for his newborn daughter. The hospital refused to do the...
Professor Horrorwyrm
Marvin yawned as he walked into the lecture hall, thinking he must’ve been out of his mind when he enrolled in the 7 am class. It’s the reason he’d almost immediately stopped attending. But through a brilliant gaslighting email campaign, he had the professor convinced he was suffering from a breakup-induced bout of severe depression. Professor Clornix, having just gone through a bad breakup himself, excused all of Marvin’s absences and was letting him coast by on remote...
Pantry Prowler
Heather was surprised to hear the doorbell. It had been some time since anyone visited. She raised her head off the kitchen table, realizing the entire house was dark. Had she fallen asleep? It was hard to tell, sometimes, with her constant drifting in and out of dark dreams. The doorbell chimed again, and Heather stood. She started to walk toward the kitchen light switch, but stopped when she heard a low rumble from inside the pantry. The switch was right beside it, but she...